This list has been going around the Internet recently – I figured I would post it here and invite you to ADD to it by posting a comment. It would be great to have a COMPLETE list all in one place!

  1. Do not argue with an idiot.  He will drag you down to his level and beat you With experience.
  2. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
  3. Light travels faster than sound.  This is why some people appear bright until You hear them speak.
  4. If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
  5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
  6. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
  7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a Fruit Salad.
  8. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.  They should both be Changed regularly, and for the same reason.
  9. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to Tell you why it isn’t.
  10. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
  11. Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
  12. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  13. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
  14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
  15. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
  16. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
  17. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  18. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
  19. Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  20. Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
  21. Always borrow money from a pessimist.  He won’t expect it back.
  22. He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
  23. Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?
  24. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
  25. When in doubt, mumble.
  26. Worrying works!  90% of the things I worry about never happen.
  27. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

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