Tag Archive for 'Funny Jokes'

Time Honored Truths

Today’s collection of time honored truths is courtesy of Angela Muzyczka of Sydney’s Adult Shop in the CBD. They are a priceless source of comic relief that I know you’ll want to forward on to friends and family!

Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.

The older you get, the better you realize you were.

I doubt, therefore I might be.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

More Time Honored Truths

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

If you’re born again, do you have two bellybuttons?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
Even More Time Honored Truths

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

A fool and his money are soon partying.

Women like silent men, they think they’re listening.

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?

Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?

Van Gogh Family Tree

Today’s post is Van Gogh’s Family Tree in a way you may never have seen it. There were a lot more members than you’d think!

His dizzy aunt
——————————————Verti Gogh

The brother who ate prunes
————————–Gotta Gogh

The brother who worked at a convenience store
———————————————–Stop n Gogh

The grandfather from Yugoslavia
—————————————–U Gogh

The cousin from Illinois
———————————————— Chi-ca Gogh

His magician uncle
—————————–Where-diddy Gogh

His Mexican cousin
———————————- A mee Gogh

The Mexican cousin’s American half-brother
————————————————— Gring Gogh

The nephew who drove a stage coach
————–Wells-far Gogh

The constipated uncle
——————————— Cant Gogh

The ballroom dancing aunt
——————————————— Tang Gogh

The bird lover uncle
———————————-Fla-min Gogh

His nephew psychoanalyst
——————————– E Gogh

The fruit loving cousin
———————————-Man Gogh

An aunt who taught positive thinking —————- Way-to Gogh

The little bouncy nephew
———————————————————– Poe Gogh

A sister who loved disco
——————————– Go Gogh

And his niece who travels the country in a van (you guessed it!)
——————————–Winnie Bay Gogh

And there ya Gogh

We oughta be able to locate more of his relatives. For example, I just met a distant relative working on the docks ——-Car Gogh

And a painter ——-Fres Gogh

A slippery member of the family—–Cris Gogh

His married sisters——Erin Gogh-Bra, Heidi Gogh-Seek and, Happy Gogh-Lucky