Self-Sabotage Of New Year’s Resolutions: The Seven Stages

STAGE ONE: The Damage is Done This is the phase where the wheels have already come off the track. You’ve missed the gym for a week, binged on junk food, or skipped journaling for days. At this point, it feels like the resolution is a distant memory. You’re left with frustration, guilt, and a growing sense of failure. Importantly, the demon of procrastination is working in the background, feeding on your self-doubt and quietly solidifying its grip.

Key Sign: A sense of hopelessness or avoidance of even thinking about your resolutions.


STAGE TWO: Naming the Demon At this stage, you begin to realise that something is wrong. There’s a flicker of awareness—you notice the procrastination patterns and self-sabotaging thoughts creeping in. While you’re not entirely ready to fight them, you start naming what’s happening: “I’m avoiding this task,” or “I’m afraid of failing, so I’m not even trying.” Recognition is the first step toward reclaiming control.

Key Sign: Increased self-awareness of avoidance behaviors, even if you’re not ready to change them yet.


STAGE THREE: Catching Yourself (Too Late) This is the stage of hindsight. You find yourself saying, “I did it again.” You catch the pattern just after falling into it—the skipped workout, the unnecessary Netflix binge, or the impulsive decision to sleep in. The realisation hits, but only after the moment has passed. It’s painful but also progress: You’re starting to connect the dots.

Key Sign: A mix of guilt and fleeting clarity about your self-destructive patterns.


STAGE FOUR: Internal Volcanic Verbal Vomit Now the battle is internal. When you slip up, the self-criticism erupts. Your inner voice churns out negativity: “Why can’t you get it together?” or “You never stick to anything.” This stage is tumultuous but necessary—you’re beginning to actively engage with the pattern. However, the internal struggle can feel overwhelming and counterproductive.

Key Sign: Harsh self-talk and emotional turmoil after a mistake.


STAGE FIVE: Tempering the Reaction In this phase, you start to reclaim control over the internal dialogue. Instead of an emotional meltdown, you pause and reflect: “Okay, I messed up, but what can I do differently next time?” You’re experimenting with self-compassion and focusing on understanding your triggers. It’s a more balanced approach, signaling a shift from self-sabotage to self-awareness.

Key Sign: A mix of accountability and self-kindness after setbacks.


STAGE SIX: Tackling Triggers and Anchors Now you’re proactively addressing the root causes. You identify your triggers—stress, boredom, fear of failure—and put systems in place to manage them. Anchors, like specific environments or routines, are redesigned to support your goals. For example, laying out gym clothes the night before or setting app blockers during peak procrastination hours. This stage is about planning for success.

Key Sign: Increased preparedness and awareness of how to prevent self-sabotage.


STAGE SEVEN: Transmutation This is the ultimate level where the demon of procrastination becomes your ally. Instead of fighting the tendency to avoid or delay, you channel it productively. For example, you overcome procrastination by tackling smaller tasks instead of delaying bigger ones. The inner critic becomes a coach, driving you to refine your approach instead of derailing your progress. This stage is about mastery—leveraging the lessons learned from self-sabotage to fuel long-term success.

Key Sign: A sense of harmony where challenges become opportunities for growth.


Want to achieve more of your New Year’s Resolutions, personal or professional goals, check out the My Best Year Ever Program.

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