Time Honored Truths

Today’s collection of time honored truths is courtesy of Angela Muzyczka of Sydney’s Adult Shop in the CBD. They are a priceless source of comic relief that I know you’ll want to forward on to friends and family!

Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.

The older you get, the better you realize you were.

I doubt, therefore I might be.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

More Time Honored Truths

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

If you’re born again, do you have two bellybuttons?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
Even More Time Honored Truths

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

A fool and his money are soon partying.

Women like silent men, they think they’re listening.

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?

Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?

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