Tag Archive for 'Funny Story'

Doctor Of The Year

Today’s post is an interview with the Doctor Of The Year, Dr Kno Mak Cens.

Doctor Of The Year 2009

Doctor Of The Year

Q: Doctor,  I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.  Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t waste on exercise.  Everything wear out eventually.  Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster.  Want to live longer?  Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat?  Hay and corn.  And what are these?  Vegetables.  So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.  Need grain?  Eat chicken.  Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).  And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A:  No, not at all.  Wine made from fruit.  Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way.  Beer also made of grain.  Bottom up!

Q: How  can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.  If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What  are some of  the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of single one, sorry.  My philosophy is: No pain… good!

Q:  Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A:  YOU NOT LISTENING!  Food are fried these day in vegetable oil.  In fact, they permeated by it.  How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?

Q:  Will  sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not!  When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q:  Is chocolate bad for me?
A:  Are you crazy?!?  HEL-LO-O!!  Cocoa bean!  Another vegetable!  It best feel-good food around!

Q:  Is swimming good for your figure?
A:  If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..

Q:  Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A:  Hey!  ‘Round’ a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And  remember:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up,  totally worn out and screaming “WOO-HOO, what a  ride!!”

AND…..

For  those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health.  It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional  studies.

  1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
  2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
  3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
  4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
  5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of  sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

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Sales Lesson

Today’s post is essentially a joke, but there is a great SALES LESSON in it that I thought I would share with you.

Continue reading ‘Sales Lesson’

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A Valuable Life Lesson And Moral

The Gourmet Guardian sent me today’s post, because he knows that I am always looking for something new, fresh and insightful with a twist of irony and when there’s a meaningful lesson or moral it makes it even better! I know you’ll enjoy this one as much as I did…

One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The donkey cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. If you’ve ever heard a donkey ‘cry’ you know how loud and upsetting it is.

Donkey Stuck In A Well

Donkey Stuck In A Well

Finally, the farmer decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried even more loudly in panic and fear.

Then, to everyone’s amazement the donkey quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his
back, the donkey was doing something amazing.

He would shake off the dirt and take a step up.

As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the donkey, he would shake it off and take another step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

***** MORAL OF THE STORY AND LIFE LESSON *****

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

  1. Free your heart from hatred – Forgive.
  2. Free your mind from worries – Most never happen.
  3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
  4. Give more.
  5. Expect less

NOW IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT REALLY HAPPENED …….

Continue reading ‘A Valuable Life Lesson And Moral’

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