“We Are Rules OR We’re Rewards”
–Dr Marc Dussault
A RULE is EVERYTHING that HAS TO HAPPEN to feel X. A reward is what you are aiming to achieve.
For example, a mother might have RULES that to be happy (Reward):
- The house has to be spotless.
- All the kids are in a good mood every day.
- All the kids are getting straight As.
- Her husband NEVER works late.
- The garden is perfectly groomed.
A business person might have RULES that:
- They have to win EVERY JOB that comes in.
- Employees all have to do to their jobs PERFECTLY.
- Nothing ever goes wrong.
- ALL his/her to do list items are completed EVERY day.
The more extreme the list of RULES – the WORSE it is.
When it gets out of hand, it’s OCD (Obssessive Compulsive Disorder), but it’s destructive way before it gets to that point.
RULES are insidious – they kill relationships and create conflict and confrontation where there is no “logical” reason for it.
Most arguments are rules-based.
- I want the towel hung up on THIS hook.
- Why can’t you put the dishes in the dishwasher instead of the counter/sink?
- Why do you have to put so much toothpaste on your brush?
- I wanted my egg soft-boiled, now it’s hard boiled!
Y’see what I mean?
It,s much harder than it sounds to reduce the number of RULES that RUIN your life, but start the process by writing them down – AS THEY OCCUR.
These are not the same as disempowering beliefs or thoughts.. RULES are things that MUST happen for you to feel X…
Review the lists above and give it a go – you can’t get it wrong… You can only ignore it at your peril.
Psst! If you can’t do it to yourself – OBSERVE others – You’ll quickly recognise them when you realise how ridiculous most of them are!